"Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion."
Ninon de l'Enclos
French writer, courtesan
("La Coquette Vengée (The Flirt Avenged)")
Earl of Sandwich: "I am convinced, Mr. Wilkes, that you will die either of a pox or on the gallows."
John Wilkes: "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
("The North Briton")
"American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced."
("Beyond the Rocks")
"Most of teachers have but one object, viz. to draw their salary. I do not think that a teacher should have no salary. But I think they should earn it first and then think of it."
US educator, scout
"Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth or the only truth."
Charles Anderson Dana
US newspaper magnate
("Recollections of the Civil War")
"Music exists for the purpose of growing an admirable heart."
Japanese violinist, teacher
("Ability Development from Age Zero")
"If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder."
Pope John Paul I
"Look, if you're playing Romeo and your Juliet is a pig, you find something you can love about pigs!"
"God, George Bush makes me want to slash my wrists. He's so embarrassing I have to leave the room when he's on the news. What a monkey."
"I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, 'what are you, zero?' And I'd go, 'no, I'm one over here!'"
Canadian comic, actor (SNL)
"I don't think people come home from work thinking, 'I want to be shocked and startled.' You want to check in with your favorite characters, and it's nice knowing they're not going to change that much."
("Beavis and Butt-Head")
, on his show "King of the Hill"
"Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent. Leave that to me."
("My Name Is")
"There is no danger of my getting scurvy [while in England], as I have to consume at least two gin-and-limes every evening to keep the cold out."
S. J. Perelman
("The Beauty Part")
"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money."
US comic, actor, TV host