"I think a bishop who doesn't give offence to anyone is probably not a good bishop."
"The Prelude to [Wagner's] 'Tristan und Isolde' reminds one of the old Italian painting of a martyr whose intestines are slowly unwound from his body on a reel."
"A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows."
"From the intrinsic evidence of his creation, the Great Architect of the Universe now begins to appear as a pure mathematician."
(died near his birthday)
"If anything goes bad, I did it. If anything goes semi-good, we did it. If anything goes really good, then you did it. That's all it takes to get people to win football games for you."
US football coach
"I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister."
(sister of Nancy Mitford)
"Everybody said how stoic I was on the sidelines, that I didn't show any emotion. You have to understand, I was never on the play the fans were seeing. I was on the next play, or two or three plays after that."
US football coach
"Condoms should be marketed in three sizes, jumbo, colossal, and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small."
"The camera lies all the time; lies 24 times per second."
Brian De Palma
US film director
(was married to Nancy Allen)
"In the beginning there was noise. Noise begat rhythm, and rhythm begat everything else."
US drummer (Grateful Dead)
"If I go 'round to someone's house and there's an Eric Clapton record, I just walk out."
English drummer (Culture Club)
"You are never more than a half-step away from a right note."
"At the time I was really flattered that the most successful artist in the world took the time out to mention me. During his gigs he has a guy dressed up as me come out so he can shoot me dead with a shotgun. It doesn't bother me, I like to think of it as my entry to the pre-school market."
, on Eminem
(descendent of Herman Melville)
"If anyone believes that our smiles involve abandonment of the teachings of Marx, Engels, and Lenin, he deceives himself. Those who wait for that must wait until a shrimp learns to whistle."
"I must say, if I had known at the beginning of my life that this is where I would get to, I would have said, 'Not possible. Not possible.'"
(was married to Hume Cronyn)
"I wondered how they would turn me into a chimp. My agent said it would probably not entail too much time. Just some hair and make-up. I found out that it was not so simple. The make-up took about five hours to put on and several hours to take off."
, on wearing ape makeup
"A man never gets to this station in life without being helped, aided, shoved, pushed and prodded to do better."
US football quarterback
, on entering the Pro Football Hall of Fame
"If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in."
"When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin."
J. P. Donleavy
("The Ginger Man")
"Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure that they are not the same hours."
T. Boone Pickens
"I feel positive about what I do. And, whoever is doing reggae, they have to have positive words and no negativity. They have to be positive. Yes, if you call it reggae, and it is negative words, it is not reggae."
Jamaican singer, songwriter (the Maytals)