"When God deprived bishops of sons, Satan gave them nephews."
Pope Alexander III
Italian religious leader
, on nepotism in the church
"If your experiment needs statistics, you ought to have done a better experiment."
New Zealand physicist
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
US Senator (LA)
"Actors should be overheard, not listened to, and the audience is 50 percent of the performance."
"Nothing should be overlooked in fighting for better education. Be persistent and ornery: this will be good for the lethargic educational establishment and will aid the whole cause of public education."
US activist, statesman
"That part of his speech was rather like being savaged by a dead sheep."
, on being attacked by Sir Geoffrey Howe in debate
"If you don't think too good, don't think too much."
US baseball player
"Every newborn baby is a little savage."
US police chief (Los Angeles)
"The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it."
, on junk bonds
"Everything comes to the man who won't wait."
"The only thing I like about being an actress is acting."
"In Port Headland, happiness comes smithereen-shaped."
Irish minister, PM, perjurer
"At least I hate myself as much as I hate anybody else."
US comic artist
"What is a teenager in San Francisco to rebel against, for pity's sake? Their parents are all so busy trying to be non-judgmental, it's no wonder they take to dyeing their hair green."
"I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out."
, on his political views
"I'm a salty, greasy girl. I give every french fry a fair chance."
"Money doesn't buy happiness. But happiness isn't everything."
"Fred Astaire will never say, though he's always asked, which of his dancing ladies was his favorite partner. If you ask me, he preferred the solo turns."
US dancer, actor
"Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars."
"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions."