"An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
"There is no easy method of learning difficult things. The method is to close the door, give out that you are not at home, and work."
Joseph de Maistre
"Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls."
US actor, singer
"Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud. That's because 90% of everything is crud."
"People on the street say, 'Hello, Felix' to me, except for those who say, 'Hello, Oscar.'"
"Some kinds of fun last longer than others."
, on marriage
"If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion."
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
US singer, pianist
"Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world except money."
US singer, songwriter, guitarist
(was married to June Carter Cash)
"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form."
William Ralph Inge
"I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."
, on stealing Denis Leary's material
"Have you ever noticed that there are no Maytag user groups? Nobody needs a mutual support group to run a washing machine."
US interface designer
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Theodore Martin Hesburgh